


I can't do this

by MysticPuma



Series: Sherlock One-shots [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Gen, John can't deal with Sherlock's death, Post Reichenbach, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:46:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticPuma/pseuds/MysticPuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the S block of a Rob Ryan picture were written the words "I can't do this, I really can't..."</p>
<p>This is the story that sprang from that inspiration.</p>
<p>Warning: Extreme Angst</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't do this

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this one was inspired by a picture :) I adore Rob Ryan's work, and this just... I HAD to write it... I literally scribbled it down in a very old, very worn notebook in about 10 minutes, straight after the inspiration hit me. It's very angsty and I take full responsibility for any broken feels XD Enjoy :P x

I stare at his chair. My mind is still so numb. It's been three weeks now… Since he jumped. Since he left my life. Since the world ceased to make any form of sense.

There are cups on the table. This happens every day… Five empty cups, and five cups of cold tea. It's too automatic. I always make him one. As if maybe his spirit would appreciate it. But every day Mrs Hudson sighs, and cleans them up, because I don't. I don't want to.

My emotions are beginning to wake from their slumber. You'd think this was a good thing, but all I feel is pain. I need him back.

I begin to sob. Mrs Hudson is out, nobody will care.

"Sherlock…" I whisper, whimpering a choking on my tears. "Why won't you come back?"

And I realise… I can't live without him. I can't. I don't care if he was a fraud (not that I believe that for a second), or if he didn't want to stay for me. I don't care if he never felt… feels… the same way I feel about him. I just need him back by my side, making snide remarks and just being… Sherlock.

Before I realise it, I'm staring down at the spot that I'd seen him… The moment my life had crumbled. I remember the immeasurable amount of blood, and tears spill down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Sherlock… But I can't do this. I really can't." I say. I can feel the exact spot he stood and it comforts me, as though he's watching over me. "Soon, though… I won't have to." I say to him, and I look to the sky, spread my arms, and fall forwards through the rushing air. And in my last moments… I hear his voice.

"John, no!" he cries. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to do this, but I don't care. I close my eyes and smile, knowing I'll be with him soon.

And the world disappears.


End file.
